


My Words, Your Lips

by JacobsHunter



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: F/M, First Words, Jacob Seed - Freeform, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:54:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20084062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacobsHunter/pseuds/JacobsHunter
Summary: Jacob never gave much thought to the words on his back. He'd written off the idea of finding his soulmate. But then he did.





	1. Chapter 1

Jacob huffed as he scanned the map again. He needed to do better on their security. Maybe get more pilots to patrol the skies to that outside law enforcement can’t fly in again. That shouldn’t have been a problem, but clearly, they had left a big enough window for it to happen. Not again. He wasn’t going to let more buffoons with badges come and try to take his brother. Not as long as he was-

“Sir, we used at least three Bliss arrows on the deputy but… well, she bit a chunk out of Johnson’s arm.”

Jacob choked on his coffee. That was impossible! Three arrows held enough Bliss to nearly turn anyone into a freaking angel! How had it not even affected this tiny little woman? He shot Pratt a glare when he saw the smirk, then turned to the other man.

“Take me to her,” he growled, enraged now. He could barely hide how angry he was. Faith had said a year or so ago that she had perfected the Bliss formula. Obviously not. He’d have to tell Joseph of this failure, and he hoped Joseph wouldn’t try and force another Faith.

To his shock, the deputy in the question was hanging upside down from the top of her cage, reddish brown hair resembling Spanish moss. Her one good eye twinkled with amusement, a huge grin on her face. Cocky little thing, he had to admit that. She knew she had them in a tight situation. And she was having fun with it.

“Deputy, do you mind explaining why my Bliss arrows didn’t drop you like an elephant tranquilizer? And how the hell did your tiny ass get up there?”

Her grin grew, and he had to fight the urge to reach through the bars. No. He wouldn’t dare lay a hand on a woman. No matter how frustrating said woman was being. He would not turn into his father. He’d hate himself if he did. He won’t do it. Hell, he didn’t have women under him. Sure, he put them through training, but he always sent them to Faith or John.

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t climb trees and hang from the branches to scare your family half to death as a kid, Seed. And honestly, I don’t know why the Bliss doesn’t affect me.”

He snorted, holding his hand out. Maybe a blow dart would do the trick. But he couldn’t stop a nagging feeling in his head. Those words. Why did they feel so familiar? He took the weapon handed to him and sent a dart right into her arm.

She instantly dropped to the dirt, and he had only a few seconds to duck before the dart flew over him, right where his head would have been.

“Fuck you,” she snarled as she slammed against the bars, her face gone from grinning to nearly feral. Her green eye was like fire, and he finally got a look at her other eye.

It was cloudy. She was blind in that eye. He couldn’t help but stare, wondering how on earth such a capable woman, one full of obvious rage, could go through life like that. Was she born that way? Or did she go through some trauma that caused it? She was young, barely 25 from what Pratt had told him. Did she tell him what happened?

“Sir, the blow dart!”

He turned, ignoring the cackling from Annalise as Worth began to sway. Shit shit shit. That was a concentrated dose!

“Get him to the infirmary now,” he barked, reaching to snatch the dart before it could dose the poor man up with more. “Get that antidote in him! Quickly! He starts to turn, we’ll be a man down for a while!” He shot the woman a look, noting the almost child-like glee.

She might be useful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He let out a breath as he shut his office door behind him. That was a close call. It would take a few weeks, but Worth would pull through. Good. The reaping, or whatever Joseph was calling it, was taking up a good bit of his time. He shed his jacket and set it on his desk.

He couldn’t shake that nagging in his head. Her words sounded so familiar, and he couldn’t place why.

Wait. The photos the military took of his back.

He quickly dug out the old file. The words on his back. They couldn’t possibly be the same. They simply couldn’t be. He had given up on that idea. He was so fucked now. And he had a plan. One he had kept from his brothers. If he was right, and he hoped he wasn’t, that would ruin his plan. It would throw the biggest wrench in every bit of it.

He opened the file and looked through the photos, and froze.

On his back, clear as day, was the words he first heard from Annalise Graystone.

No. No, this couldn’t be. She couldn’t possibly be his soulmate. Did she even have his words on her? He didn’t see any on her arms. And he didn’t get a look at her back thanks to her having her shirt tucked in. What if Pratt knew? Surely the other deputy knew. They worked together, for fuck’s sake!

“Peaches,” he called, loud enough to be heard a floor below. He had to be sure. He couldn’t stand not having all the answers when he could easily get them. Getting a straight answer from Joseph was pointless, but he could get straight answers from his own men. He had made sure of that.

“Yes, sir?”

He glanced up to see the deputy. A change in behavior. Pratt was hiding something. But he’s got bigger fish to fry.

“You know Deputy Graystone fairly well. What are her soulmate words?”

Pratt stared before clearing his throat and shifting nervously. He knew what the words were. Why was he so nervous about saying them?

“They’re on her back. They’re… the question you asked her earlier. She doesn’t like to think about it cause it made her childhood hell.”

Jacob blinked a few times. She had his words. But what the hell did that last statement mean?

“Explain.”

“Her dad was,” Pratt licked his lips, wincing as his tongue brushed the still healing cut. “To be blunt, he was a piece of shit, sir. Would beat the hell out of her for the smallest reason. He got it in his head that Bliss was a drug, and that she’d grow up to be a drug head who’d grown immune to it. Like heroin. He was partly right, but it seems she’s already immune to it somehow.”  
So she was abused to. And no one would defend her. She didn’t have a big brother to take the blows for her. Christ, he almost felt sorry for her. She was just a child, and was already being written off as a junkie.

“You know what happened to her eye,” he inquired, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Happened when she was seven. Said she was throwing a tantrum over something and he snapped. Beat her with a steel toed boot until he knocked her out. When she came to, still at home, she couldn’t see out of her left eye. But sir, she’s the best shot in the department. She can out shoot any of us. That eye doesn’t hold her back, and I wonder if she’s a descendant of Cap Hatfield-”

“You mean William Anderson Hatfield the second,” Jacob corrected, putting the file away. “You’ve told me all I need to know. Go get some rest.” Pratt nodded and left the room, and Jacob thought over what he was told.

She was a victim. No, a survivor. That beating could have easily killed her. Yet she survived, and became every abuser’s worst nightmare. Her anger was more than justified. And he had a better understanding of the woman. She was strong. To go through all of that and it become a motivation for her. He was tempted to say she was stronger than even him.

He’d test that another day. It was late, and he wanted to make sure Worth pulled through just fine before testing Pratt’s claim that she was a good shot.


	2. A Little Competion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob's seen her raging mad. Now he wants to see if Pratt was right about her aim.

After a few weeks, Jacob went back to her cage. Worth would be just fine. Took a bit to get the Bliss out of his system, and he had to admit, she had good aim. Nailed the poor man in his neck, though that could have been partly his fault. If he didn’t absolutely hate how the Bliss affected him, he wouldn’t have ducked so fast. But now, he wanted to make sure her throwing that dart into Worth’s neck wasn’t just luck.

“Come back for more, big man,” she teased, though he could tell she was losing weight. He’d have to change that since she wasn’t receptive to traditional training. “You gonna keep playing that ancient ass love song?”

“Watch your mouth,” he warned. “That happens to be my favorite song. You and I are gonna go practice.” She smirked, a look of mischief in her eye.

“Ooh, what are we practicing? Slow dancing, lonely boy?” He couldn’t help but return the smirk as Pratt rushed up with the keys and two rifles in hand.

“Peaches here says you’re the best shot in the department,” he answered. “I wanna test that. If he’s telling the truth, then I might still have a use for you.” Her smirk shifted to a glare, and he knew what she was thinking. “Before you start, it’s not because you’re a woman or because of your eye. I’m always skeptical of anyone who says they’re the best shot. If you can keep up with me, then I’ll believe it.” She nodded, stepping back to let him unlock the cage.

He kept his eyes on her as he did. That fire in her eyes. He rather liked it. Maybe it was a good thing his conditioning didn’t work. He didn’t want to see that fire snuffed out. The world needed more women like her. Amazingly, his thoughts drifted to his own mother, and how dead her eyes were.

“You trust me not to run off?”

He was snatched back into the present. Annalise was staring at him, her head tilted slightly. Oddly, he did trust her. He couldn’t explain it, but he had the feeling she wasn’t going to up and run. Worst case, those pesky Whitetails would come and snatch her away. Rumors were swirling that Eli had come to think of the deputy as his own child.

“You’re not a runner,” he pointed out. “Not mentally. You like the challenge. So yes, I trust that you won’t try and flee. You want to see if you can show up a trained sniper.”

She grinned, letting him know that he was right. Good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they reached the location of his little competition, he found himself feeling young again. He’d have to keep that in control. She was his soulmate, but was still a prisoner. Joseph would want him to convince her to join this ridiculous cult. Not that he actually believed half the crap coming out of Joseph’s mouth.

“We gonna shoot, or are you gonna keep getting swept away by your own thoughts?”

Now she was getting irritating.

He snorted and got out, grabbing the rifles and ammunitions bag. He needed to clear his head anyway. Shooting always helped. Plus, it would be nice to see a competent shooter for once. Someone besides himself and that Armstrong bitch. As he predicted, she got out and moved towards the shooting benches. As far as he could tell, she was definitely his equal. Which he was more than happy about.

“Here,” he passed her the more beat up rifle. “We start at the 25 yard targets. That’s nothing for me. Let’s see if you’re just as good.” She snorted and loaded the rifle, and before he could blink, she had hit the 25 yard target without even trying.

“C’mon, at least make it a challenge,” she almost snarled. Smart ass. He shot the 25 yard target in the bullseye, then the 30 yard.

“Shot for shot. I hit the target, you try. Let’s see if there’s more to you than piss and vinegar.” She smirked and nailed the bullseye again. “Not bad. Let’s jump straight to the 50 yard shots. That’s where it gets difficult.”

He raised the rifle and hit the bullseye at fifty yards. He wanted to show off for her. Why, though? Sure, again, she was his soulmate. But he had nothing to prove. Nothing to really offer. And the longer he could keep the fact that they were soulmates from her, the better. Maybe he could still carry out his plan.

Maybe he wasn’t showing off. Maybe he was trying to give her every reason to do exactly what he wanted.

She smirked and hit the bullseye as well. Possible descendant of William Anderson Hatfield, indeed. He was actually quite impressed by her now. Fifty yards was difficult even for him when he was that age. To do so with one eye was something else. Pratt might just be right about this woman.

But she would never be a soldier. Women were weak. His own mother had been weak, and had failed him and his brothers. He would not risk that happening again.

He raised his gun again, going for the sixty yard target, and was shocked when she fired at the same time.

“Don’t give me the lecture about not doing that,” she began.

“On the contrary, I was gonna praise you for hitting that one as well. You’ve been trained.” She shrugged.

“Had plenty of male cousins who thought I’d need to know how to defend myself. Started after…” She trailed off, and he knew what she was thinking.

She wasn’t ready to tell him what he already knew.

“Peaches told me. You trust him. That’s good in your line of work. I’m sorry that your family was that shitty, but at least your cousins could see that to an extent.” She nodded, and he could see her starting to put a wall up. Not that he could blame her. Had she been an officer when he and his brothers were children, their lives might have been very different. He would be a very different man.

But things happened the way they did, and it lead them both here.

“Next target,” he ordered, raising his rifle before he could get too deep into his thoughts. Seventy yards, and she hit the edge of the bullseye. Impressive still, he couldn’t deny that. This would give her motivation to keep practicing.

Maybe she would be the one to end his nightmare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn’t sure what to think that night. She had proven herself. If he bought into all this shit, he’d say she was custom made for him. She had the fire, the strength, the skill. She was everything he wanted in a woman. Average in appearance, but he could deal with that. Compared to him, she was stunning.

But she deserved better.

He grabbed a pack of cigarettes. Special ones. Laced with a touch of something extra to take the edge off. He stepped out onto the balcony and lit one, taking a deep drag as he thought.

Women were weak. His own mother had been too weak to keep him and his brothers safe. And in his experience, almost all women were just like her. But this woman, this Annalise. She was different. Stronger than he would have thought. A heart of pure iron, forged in the flames of a hell he knew all too well. She’d be strong enough to carry out his plan. She wouldn’t hesitate to do what was necessary.

And that’s why he let her go.

He sighed. She had hesitated then, but he didn’t have much choice. With her immunity to Bliss, his serum didn’t work on her. She couldn’t do the trials. But he knew she’d still fulfill her purpose. They all did. Without even knowing it. He was fulfilling his without even trying. He knew he was. Thankfully, his role was simple: keep the Project safe. He could do that.


	3. Torn and Unsure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annalise has a lot on her mind. And she wants to try and talk it out. But not everyone around her is reasonable.

Annalise blew out a breath as she moved down the steps. Shit. Shit, this had to be a bad dream. He had spoken the words on her back! Jacob Seed, the man literally torturing people, was her goddamn soulmate! She wanted to talk to someone about it. Maybe there was a way out of it. But everyone here hated the Seeds. Tammy and Eli had it out for Jacob. Tammy more than Eli.

At the same time, Eli had once been Jacob’s friend. His most trusted friend.

Eli would know if Jacob had her words on him. Surely they’d seen each other shirtless a few times. And Eli was more reasonable than anyone else she knew. God, she wished she knew where Whitehorse was right now. Between him and Eli, she’d be able to make sense of this.

“Hey, kid,” Eli greeted from the monitors, an easy smile on his face. “We were starting to worry. Couldn’t find you for a few weeks.” She faked a smile, her body worn out from lack of sleep and food.

“Got some food for you,” Tammy announced, holding out a bowl of… something. It smelled better than whatever Jacob had been feeding the other prisoners. “I can tell you haven’t ate.”

“Long story,” Anna answered, taking the bowl. But just as she was about to take the first bite, Eli spoke again.

“You found your soulmate,” he stated simply. “Yet you look a bit torn.” Well, so much for waiting to talk to him about it. Tammy looked excited instantly, but the deputy knew that excitement was about to be shattered.

“Yeah. He’s, uh… well, I have no clue if my words are on his skin, but I know his are on mine.” Eli nodded, waiting “Well… what do you do if your soulmate is someone that’s on the opposite side of a situation?”

“We can discuss it after you’ve eaten and showered and gotten a good night’s sleep,” Tammy interrupted. “You’ve got dark circles, you’ve lost weight, and you smell like… the veteran’s center…”

She saw realization dawn on Eli’s face. And on Tammy’s. Shit, this is what she was hoping to avoid. It would be one thing if Tammy wasn’t in the room and didn’t know. But now Tammy knew, and she wasn’t sure how the blond would react. Would she be angry? Hold it against her and call her a traitor?

“Jacob’s your soulmate, isn’t he,” Eli questioned gently, and Anna nodded.

“This is perfect,” Tammy exclaimed. “We can let her get close, and then she can kill him!”

“No.”

Both women turned at the ice cold tone. Eli was glaring at Tammy. Anna had never seen him like this, and she wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

“You act like Jacob’s going to care! He’s already put her through the trials, I’m sure!”

“The, uh,” the brunette cleared her throat. “The Bliss arrows didn’t work on me. And I get the feeling that whatever this serum is that Jacob’s men were talking about won’t work either.” Tammy stared.

“So he can’t control you like he usually would, so what? He’s not going to give a rats ass that you’re his soulmate! Everyone is a tool in his eyes! He’ll use the soulmate bond to control you and use you!”

“Tammy, that’s enough,” he erupted, shocking both of them. “We are not going to ask her to kill her goddamn soulmate, no matter who it is. I won’t hear anymore talk of it.”

“But Eli-”

“I said no more talk of it! Go get some rest, Tammy. Anna needs time to process this.” Tammy shot him a glare before storming off, and the rookie felt a weight lift off her shoulders. “Tammy hates him. She’s tunnel visioned, anyone can see that. Now, eat up. We can talk while you eat.”

She all but inhaled the food. Christ, she’d been so hungry. She didn’t even realize it until that first bite touched her tongue. Eli just waited, ever so patient and understanding. She could appreciate that about Eli. He wasn’t one to push his ways onto others, or force them into choices they didn’t want to make.

“First question: did you feel safe around him,” he asked as soon as she was done eating, and she had to think for a moment.  
She couldn’t exactly say that she felt safe. Jacob proved to be a rigid, hard man, who expected things to be a certain way. Everything was militarized with him, strict and by the book. Well, his book at least. And he was intimidating, could easily overpower her if he wanted to and hurt her.

And yet, she somehow knew he wouldn’t raise a hand to her.

“Yes and no, if that makes sense,” she replied. “I mean, he’s tall. Intimidating. Physically fit. He could easily snap my neck if he wanted to. But… and this is where it gets confusing… I know he won’t. Nothing about him said that he would ever raise his hand to hurt a woman. The worst thing he did was try and use a blow dart full of Bliss on me, but he almost looked reluctant to do that. And then… he wanted to see if I really was good at shooting. And he apologized for my family being the way they are. It was like whiplash.” Eli simply nodded.

“Jacob’s dad was a piece of shit as well,” he began. “Jacob took to protecting his brothers as best he could. As he grew, he started fighting back. When he and I were still friends, he told me how he worried about becoming just like his old man. You hit the nail on the head, kid. Second question: what did you first say to him?”

“I answered a question. He asked me why the Bliss arrows didn’t work, and why I was hanging upside down in the cage. I said something like ‘don’t tell me you didn’t do the same in trees to scare your family.’ I tried not to let on that he’d said the words that had been held against me for so long, but I’m not sure how good I did. He’s not as stupid as Tammy thinks.” He held a hand up.

“Chances are, he knows you said the words on his back. I’ve seen them. So he knows you’re his soulmate. But now the question is, will he still follow through with whatever his plan is, and will you follow through with what our plan used to be? There’s more than one way to stop him.”

She tilted her head at his words. What could he possibly mean?

“If you can get him to call off this war, he might just listen to you,” he explained. “I can’t tell you how. All I can tell you is, to try. It’s up to you. Just know that I won’t ask you to kill your soulmate. You only get one in your life. Just… think about it for a few days, kid. Okay?” She nodded. “Go get some sleep. You’ve earned it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eli stared up at the stars, letting his mind wander. So Jacob finally found his soulmate. And now, there was a choice to make. For both Jacob and Annalise. They could give in, give a try, see if the universe was right. Or they could fight to the death and be alone forever. It was no secret that most everyone wanted to see Jacob dead. Tammy and Jess at the top of that list. But Eli had a sneaking suspicion that all Jacob needed, really needed, was someone to show him a better way.

And Annalise was perfect for that.

She didn’t have a grudge to hold against him. She didn’t have any reason to really hate him that was her own. She was following orders, and he felt bad now that he knew they were destined for one another. But he wasn’t sure if he should tell the rest of the county that they were soulmates. After Tammy’s outburst, he wasn’t sure if everyone knowing would be a good thing.

Well, this was quite the cluster fuck.


	4. Time to Think

Wheaty poked his head into Anna’s room. He’d heard the fighting. Heard what Tammy had said. And he might have eavesdropped on Eli’s conversation with the green eyed deputy. He might hate Jacob, but he kinda liked Annalise. She was one hell of a woman, and he hoped his own soulmate would be just as tough as her.

“Hey,” he greeted, smiling. “Heard all that commotion last night. Must suck, knowing that you’re soulmate is one of the Seeds.” She shrugged.

“Just means either I’ll be alone forever or I’ll be labeled a traitor by the resistance. It’s a no win situation. I mean, Eli’s halfway reasonable about it, but he hates Jacob as much as you and Tammy do. I just… I can’t even begin to make sense of all of this.” He carefully sat on the floor next to her bed.

“Hey, I get it,” he offered. “You think of Eli as a dad in a way. He thinks of you as his daughter. You don’t wanna disappoint him, but at the same time, you only get one soulmate. You’re in a spot no one should be in, and that’s coming from the teenager who wants Jacob dead as much as anyone else here.”

She shifted around, and he knew he had to change the subject quickly.

“Let’s jam. Maybe it’ll get your mind off things. I know it usually helps me.” She nodded, and he quickly went to grab his music. Whatever it took to help her sort her thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few hours, and some heavy metal that he never knew Annalise even liked, she was finally smiling. Not her usual smile, but she didn’t look so confused. He hoped she’d figured out something that worked for her.

“Feeling a little more sure of yourself,” he asked, and she nodded. “Good. Don’t let Tammy get under your skin. I think she’s just bitter that you got one tough ass soulmate and hers was a wimp.” She giggled.

“You really think Jacob’s all that tough?”

“Uh, yeah. Trained sniper. And the airborne don’t put out bullshit. He has to be tough. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder why he doesn’t have a single woman in his small army. I mean, you women are freaking awesome. And terrifying.” She thought for a moment.

“I told Eli this as well, but despite everything, Jacob doesn’t strike me as a danger to women. Nothing about him sent up any alarms in my head. Nothing told me I was in danger. So it could be that he thinks women shouldn’t fight because they shouldn’t have to. He’s a soldier. A natural born one, at that. Most soldiers have a seriously high protective instinct.” Wheaty tilted his head.

“What do you mean?”

“When we were target shooting,” she began. “He was testing my aim. And he seemed impressed. I almost spilled my guts right then and there about my family, but it seems that Pratt had beat him to it. Jacob… apologized. He actually apologized for those fuckers. I think he was raised in a shit environment as well. He knows what abusers are like. And he doesn’t want to become one.”

“Yeah, Eli hinted about that,” the boy pointed out. “Said Jacob was and still is highly protective of his brothers.”

“This is a man who knows wrong from right,” she continued. “He knows when a line has been crossed, and when to stop. So why is he doing what he’s doing? Why is he turning men and older teenagers into conditioned soldiers? Unless… oh my god.”

That tone didn’t sound good, and the shock in her eyes more than confirmed that. She had figured something out, something the eldest Seed had been trying to hide.

“We need to talk to Eli. Now.”


	5. Just A Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annalise knows what Jacob's planning now. And she's surprised to find she wants to stop him.

When Annalise and Wheaty found Eli, they were glad to see that he was outside. Out of earshot of Tammy. The deputy was more than thankful for that. She wasn’t sure she could deal with more of the older woman’s blatant disregard for the situation. A situation that was hard enough without her blood-lust.

“Eli, Jacob’s planning suicide by cop,” she blurted as soon as he turned to her. “That’s why he’s doing what he’s doing! He knows it’s fucked up, and he doesn’t care cause he doesn’t plan on living long enough to be arrested for it!”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, kid,” he instructed. “What makes you think he’s really gonna do that?”

“Eli, think about it. He knows what he and his brothers are doing- have been doing- is wrong. He knows lines are being crossed. So why does he keep doing it, why does he stay? Unless he’s planning on, when the time comes, pointing a gun at a law enforcement officer with the guarantee that they will shoot to kill. He’s not stupid, he knows full well what he’s doing, and he’s banking on me being that officer!”

“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” Wheaty added. “When they were target practicing, he could have blown her head off right then, but he didn’t!”

“Easy, I get it,” Eli interrupted. “Shit, I knew he had issues, I never knew they were this bad. You really are in quite the pickle, kid.”

“I know,” she breathed, running a hand through her hair. She’d have to find somewhere to shower soon. Right now, she had bigger fish to fry. “I don’t know how to talk him down. He’s clearly been planning this from the word go. Regardless of the fact that the Bliss won’t work on me, which is a complete fucking mystery, he’s banking on my training overruling everything.”

She was worried that Jacob was right. But she didn’t join the force to kill. She joined to save kids from situations like the one she grew up in. She joined to do what good she could do in the world. And now she was faced with her own soulmate trying to force her hand. She could only hope that, if she couldn’t talk him out of the idea, that he’d either give it up and give himself a chance, or…

“Deputy,” a voice called from the radio, and all three froze. Jacob. Speak of the devil. She saw Eli’s eyes go hard before he nodded. Her hand grabbed the radio, and her voice was far too shaky when she spoke.

“The fuck you want, Seed,” she tried to spit. But part of her was concerned. This man had every intention of dying. Of not surviving long enough to see the outcome of his brother’s war. She wanted to try and understand him, surprisingly enough. Try and make him see that he would be missed, even if by only one person.

“Just want to chat, is all,” Jacob’s smooth voice answered. “And to ask a few questions.”

She simply glanced at Wheaty and Eli, and they all knew. The two males immediately went inside, and for once, Anna was glad to be alone in the mountains.

“Start asking,” she stated, her voice more confident now. “I’ve got more hell to raise.”

“First question, why are you so angry,” he almost laughed. Was he amused? Her sounding angry amused him. She had assumed, from what everyone had said, that Jacob was an emotionless monster. 

“You’re such an angry little thing. More angry than my baby brother. And he has enough anger to do the world over.”

“Then he and I probably have a similar background,” she responded. “As for my anger… I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s because the world has always told me what I can and can’t do instead of letting me decide for myself. I guess you could say it’s less anger and more pure spite than anything.”

“I see. Constantly proving to the world that you can do whatever you damn well please. Still trying to earn someone’s approval, I assume?”

If she wasn’t aware of his ridiculous suicide plan, she’d strangle him for that.

“I’m beyond giving a shit if my sperm donor approves or not. He’s not here. He’s the reason the world thinks I’m so helpless. He tried to reduce me to nothing more than a maid and a broodmare. But here I am. Raising every level of hell. Fuck him, and fuck anyone who looks at me and thinks I’m helpless or can’t do shit. You saw for yourself; I can handle any fight just fine.”

“That I did. And was quite impressed. You’re what every woman should aspire to be. And you’ve picked a nice town to make friends. I must admit, the women here are a unique breed. If I didn’t know any different, I would say you were born and raised here.”  
So he’d done his research. What little there was to see. She wished there had been police reports, but it wouldn’t have led her here. In a way, she was glad that she went through that hell. She only wished she didn’t have the scars to go with it. She wished she could just go through life and cook up some bullshit reason for taking the job.

“Pratt says your family was… to be blunt, abusive assholes. Why the lack of police reports, though? As young as you are, there should be quite the paper trail.”  
She should have known that would come up.

“My family ran the town. Over half the police force were Graystones, men in the family. The women were expected to cook the food, do the housework, raise the children, and keep silent. So, even when one of my friend’s parents did call the police, it was always a relative that answered. After getting in trouble for wasting emergency resources even though they actually weren’t, I… I found myself alone. With not a single person to turn to. No reports to back up my claims. Nothing but bogus medical records cause, again, my family worked in that field too. Everyone was terrified of them. And I hated them.”

Which was true. She did hate them. All of them. They sat back and allowed her and her cousins to be hurt, abused, treated worse than cattle. They refused to see that anything was wrong with what they were doing. And she hoped they all died slow, horrible, painful deaths. She took the job to bring families like them to justice, and she would do that. Once all of this mess was taken care of.

“I’m sorry that they did that to you. I’m sorry that they isolated you and tried to break you. And I’m sorry that your screams for help were silenced. You are much stronger than you think. Stronger than I thought you were. Most would have chosen to end the suffering themselves. You pushed through and became their worst nightmare: a woman with authority and a bone to pick. We’ll talk more later. Get some rest if you’re gonna raise hell, Valkyrie.”

She stared at the radio as it went silent. Had Jacob actually apologized for the shit she went through? He sounded… sincere. Like he actually sympathized with her to a degree. Like… like he actually cared. And she had opened up to him. Without even meaning to. She had told him the hell she was raised in and wasn’t afraid. Granted, she hadn’t gone into detail, but she had given him a glimpse.

She shook her head and went inside. Maybe she did need some rest.


	6. The Words of a Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob's mind is pure confusion now. Will John help hims sort it out? Or will it just make things worse?

Jacob stood on the balcony, staring up at the moon as he smoked. He got a glimpse into the woman behind the badge. A glimpse at the child lost to a situation that shouldn’t have happened. Beneath the thin veil of rage, he saw a hint of her pain. He pitied the girl who had to live in fear, who once had people that wanted to help but gave up.

But now he feared the woman that girl had become.

He took a long drag as he thought. She was trying to hide the pain she still felt. He knew how that felt. He knew how it looked. He knew how it sounded. She hid the pain with her rage, and he feared the day that the rage wouldn’t be enough. She’d break, and it would be a painful sight to see. She’d crumble before everyone’s eyes, and they wouldn’t know what to do to help her.

Hell, he wasn’t even sure he’d know what to do to help her.

He snorted and snuffed out the cigarette. He really shouldn’t be this concerned. Soulmate or not, he didn’t plan on being alive when her defenses failed. With his luck, she’d pull the trigger before her mind could process everything, and it would be over. He wouldn’t have to suffer through another exhausted, sleepless night. He could finally sleep and not wake up. He’d be free of the demons running wild in his head.

And yet, he wondered if she’d be able to move on from that.

“Fucking hell,” he grumbled as he stormed back into his office. Why was he this fucking concerned about her? Why the hell did he care if she moved on or not? Once he was dead, it wouldn’t be his problem anymore. He’d be free to stop fighting. So why did the idea of her alone forever hurt so bad? Why couldn’t he think past them aiming their guns at each other?

How pathetic. The man that wanted to die couldn’t even picture his own death.

He grabbed the radio and switched to another private channel. He needed to talk to someone. Someone who wasn’t in the middle of it. Someone who could help him sort out his thoughts. Sure, it was midnight, but he couldn’t sleep anyway. And he knew he could rely on this person, even if they did bitch about being woken up so late. He was beyond caring at this point.

“Meet me at the cabin at the edge of our territories. Got a lot on my mind.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He put the truck in park and hopped out, shaking his head at the unmistakable blue of the other truck. John had insisted on matching trucks, thought Jacob barely drove his. It was brand new, and nicer than anything he owned aside from his guns. He hated that his brother spent that much money on him, but he understood that it was John’s way of showing he cared. Well, one of two ways.

Spending money, and waking up in the dead of night to help his brother sort out his thoughts.

Jacob stepped inside the cabin and instantly disarmed himself. Knife, pistol, spare knife, and spare gun all on the table by the door. It was their deal. They’d disarm themselves when the subjects got deep.

“You really do have a lot on your mind, huh,” John called from the couch, rising to remove his own weapons. “I would have thought having at least caught Deputy Graystone would put you at ease.” Jacob blew out a breath.

“It only added more issues that I wasn’t prepared for,” he replied, plopping down in the armchair. “And I have no clue what to do.”

“Well, start talking and I’ll see if I can help.”

Jacob bit his lip, trying to find the right words. Finess was more John’s thing. Jacob wasn’t good with words at all unless he was speaking to his men. Battle speeches were one thing, really. But this? Telling his brother he had found his soulmate, when said brother wasn’t even sure where to look for his? This was harder than diffusing a bomb.

“I found her,” he blurted, his eyes meeting the matching eyes of his youngest sibling. “My soulmate. I found her.”

“About time,” John nearly cheered. “If anyone deserves it, it’s you. You know that. So, tell me all about her. Is she beautiful? Can she cook? Please tell me she’s at least got enough backbone to stand beside you as an equal. Wait, it isn’t-”

“John.” He gave the baptist a firm look. “It’s the deputy. Annalise Graystone.”

John stared, his jaw hanging. Jacob wondered for a bit if he had broken his brother. Obviously John was having a hard time processing the fact that the rookie who was putting the project in danger was destined to become part of the family. And honestly, the soldier couldn’t blame him. It was a lot to take in, and it could change their plans drastically.

“If you’re lying to me, I’m going to be pissed.”

“No, I’m serious. The first thing I said to her was ‘Explain why my Bliss arrows didn’t drop you like an elephant tranquilizer.’ According to Pratt, those words were on her back. You’ve seen the words on my back.”

“Yeah. Something about hanging upside down from trees or something.” Jacob just kept his eyes on John. “Are you- fuck! You’re telling me that your soulmate is the person that is the biggest threat to everything we have built?!”

“Well, yelling about it won’t change it.” Jacob sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“She’s the fucking deputy! She’s single-handedly destroying what control you earned in those mountains! And the Bliss should have… wait, the Bliss doesn’t work on her?”

Jesus, he was starting to regret this.

“No, it doesn’t. My men used three of those arrows on her. That’s enough to turn anyone into an Angel. She still bit a chunk out of one’s arm and busted a few teeth out while they were wrestling her into a cage. I even used a blow dart full of concentrated Bliss. You know what she did? Chucked it at my head, which I narrowly missed, and charged at me through the bars. I don’t know why it doesn’t work on her. I just know it doesn’t.” John slowly sat back down.

“So… she’s immune to it,” he asked.

“Didn’t I basically just say that?”

“Well, what else do you know about her?”

Jacob took a deep breath before telling John everything. Her aim at the shooting contest. Her anger and what it was hiding. The reason that they would never find documentation of what she endured in her childhood. The strength burning in her eyes. How quiet she got on the radio when talking about how she was effectively isolated.

When it was all over, Jacob felt a startling need to protect her, even though she could protect herself.

“She’s… I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she sounds like the perfect woman for you, Jacob.” The red head shot him a glare. “Hear me out. She’s strong. Mentally, emotionally. But that’s because most of it was probably beat out of her. From what you say, her family sounds like the type who see any emotion outside of anger as weakness. They are fueled by wrath. And she’s picked up that habit. And so have you, by the way. You’re the strongest person I know, and I just watched your face go from pure confusion to pity to protector in the short span that you’ve been talking. You’re giving her someone she can confide in that gets it, cause we lived it too. Meanwhile, she’s giving you someone to turn to as well. She’s already given you a glimpse into her pain. Maybe she can be the one allowed to see yours.” Jacob shook his head.

“That’s crazy talk.”

“Jacob, I didn’t graduate from law school because I’m an idiot. Joseph might not see it, but I do. I see the moments when reality and what’s going on in your head blur. I can tell when you’re fighting to keep your sanity. If I knew you’d listen and that Joseph would allow it, I’d tell you to take a few weeks and remember how to just be. But this deputy? I get the feeling she’ll be the person to allow you to do that without having to say a word.”

As much as Jacob hated it, he knew his brother was right. Still didn’t change his plans, but it gave him something to think about when he had the time.


	7. New Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob has a few questions to ask. But will the answers affect Annalise's world?

A few days had gone by. And the radio had been void of Jacob’s voice. Annalise wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or worried, since she’d been doing a pretty good job of taking a few of his outpost in that time. She just wrote it off as him being either angry or busy explaining to Joseph why she hadn’t been captured and trained yet.  
She was hiking up to where a truck had crashed, hoping it would have some decent supplies, when his voice drifted through the speaker.

“You’ve been rather busy, Valkyrie. Got time to talk?”

She couldn’t help but smirk. He’d noticed her work. Good. Meant her and Hurk Jr were doing their jobs and then some. He was in for it once she got the supplies, cause she was going to help Jess next. And Jess had quite the bone to pick with Mr. Seed.

“As long as your men don’t find me, yeah,” she answered.

“Good. Why doesn’t the Bliss work on you? We’ve tested this formula and there’s no possible way to be immune without long term, carefully dosed exposure.”

She rolled her eyes. That again. Must be eating away at him that he couldn’t turn her into another mindless drone. It was a slim advantage against him, but one she was glad to have. Especially since she’d grown fond of that stupid song. But her answer was still the same. She didn’t know.

“If I knew, I’d tell you. But scouts honor, I don’t know. You’re right. It should affect me. It doesn’t, and I can’t explain why. I was never the science nerd. No one in my family was. The fact that I learned enough science type shit to graduate top of my class at the academy is a miracle.”

“Well, there has to be a reason.” Christ, he was starting to sound like her father. “Was there anything your family did that you thought was normal, only to find out it wasn’t?”

She thought for a moment. Searching her memories for anything that actually stood out as exceptionally fucked up.

“There was this drink they used to give us,” she began. “Starting when we- me and my cousins- turned four. We’d drink it as soon as we got home from school, our fathers would watch and made sure we drank every last drop. It always made us feel weird, and then we’d spill the truth. Turns out it was truth serum, which I thought was just made up bullshit. It wasn’t until middle school that most of us realized how fucked up that was.”

She waited, the silence dragging on. Then, she thought she heard Jacob say something.

“Scopolamine,” he muttered.

“Come again?”

“Scopolamine. It’s found in Nightshade plants. It doesn’t have a taste or an odor, so you’d never know you had any until you start spilling your guts. Makes it physically impossible to lie, and makes you more susceptible to mind control. You can get it from any botanist for the right price. Or, you can do like us… and use it in Bliss.”

She stared at the radio, her mind racing. She’d been given truth serum. For fourteen years. Her family had been giving her a fucking drug for fourteen years. She didn’t think it could get any worse, but now? She felt like she was going to vomit.

“Graystone? Look, I know it’s a lot to take in. Keep talking to me.”

There it was. The concern again. God, if only someone with that level of concern had been in her life when she was a child.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Hey, deep breaths. They can’t do that to you anymore. They can’t hurt you. The stuff stopped working after a while, right? You’ve built an immunity to it. Your body had enough strength to fight it. Which means I can’t break you and turn you into a weapon. It means John can’t use the Bliss to cripple you while he does whatever it is he does. It means Faith can’t turn you into one of her angels. It makes you you. Christ, if I had known, I would have drug you out of there.”

“How could you have known, Jacob,” she asked, her voice small as she all but burrowed into herself. “And what could you have done? They run that town. They’d have had you killed and gotten away with it. What could you have possibly done that others hadn’t tried?”

Silence again. She took the time to breathe, to think about what he had said. She was immune to it. It couldn’t be used against her. It could never be used to hurt her again. She took some small comfort in that.

“I don’t know. But I still would have tried. No child deserves what you went through. And I will say that until my dying breath. You are a hell of a woman, and a hell of a deputy. To think that you survived something that should have killed you or broke your spirit. It amazes me. You have my respect, deputy.”

“Call me by my name. Or at least call me Anna.”

“Then you have my respect, Anna. You eating right?”

She could almost laugh. All of the shit they had just talked about, and he was worried about her eating habits. This soulmate bond must be messing with his brain. Then again, it was messing with hers too, if she was being truthful.

“I’m eating when I can. Not much in the way of full meals since Eden’s Gate keeps taking all the good stuff. You?”

“Don’t worry about me eating. I’m fine.”

Oh, so he was hiding now. She’d opened up to him, and he was still shutting her out. Typical. Maybe Tammy was right. But she wasn’t about to give up. She wanted to know him. She wanted to… help him. That’s why she had wanted to be a police officer. To help people. So, she was determined to help him.

“Don’t. Talk to me. I’ve given you a glimpse into me. It’s only fair.”

She waited for his response. Waited to see if he’d let her see the side of him he tries to hide. If she was going to talk him out of it, she needed him to open up. Though she knew it would be a fight to get him to open up. He didn’t want anyone to miss him, but John would miss him. Joseph might miss him, she wasn’t even sure.  
Right now, she did not want him to realize that she knew.

“You really want to know,” he asked. “You want to see the darkness that’s bubbling beneath?”

“I want to see the man behind the rumors,” she shot back. “I want to see what makes you smile. I want to know what makes a man so fiercely loyal and protective. I want to see this hundred feet tall and bulletproof man that John likes to talk about. Cause he talks about you like you’re invincible.”

“Then he’s an idiot. I’m not invincible. And you don’t want to know me.”

“You and I are soulmates, Jacob, but that don’t mean fuck all if we don’t put any effort into this. I’m not gonna hit the breeze just cause you have a dark past. Hell, I have a dark past. I’m not looking for details, since we’re on opposite sides of a war that isn’t even ours, but I’m not in the business of giving up or waiting around. You want to know me, I gotta know you too. I don’t give a good goddamn if it’s your favorite color or why you shave the sides of your head or why you like that old ass song that barely anyone remembers anymore. Just give me something.”  
She waited again, the dead air starting to drive her mad. But within a few seconds, a voice came through the radio.

“Anna, it’s Wheaty. We need those supplies and Eli thinks he’s found something.”

She rolled her eyes. Of course. Christ, she wondered if Jacob had to deal with this kind of shit. Or if he had enough authority to not have his radio going off every three minutes. She quickly grabbed the Whitetails radio and answered.

“Yeah, yeah, almost got them.” She put it back on her belt before extending one last olive branch to Jacob. “Look, I’m here when you’re ready to talk. I’ve got to get these supplies.” She clipped it to her belt and started towards the wrecked truck again, but paused when his voice came through.

“Red. My… my favorite color is red.”


	8. An Unlikely Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob's feeling a bit foolish. Maybe John can help. Or maybe his best help is right there at Saint Francis.

Jacob paced the office, kicking himself and feeling like an absolute idiot. Of all the things he could have told her. His favorite color?!?! She probably already knew that! Hell, he had draped his banner all over the mountains! Everything associated with him was red, for fucks sake! He couldn’t believe, of all the options he had, he went with that one!

He felt like an awkward teenager all over again.

He grabbed his keys and stormed for his truck. Fucking hell, maybe John would have some advice. The man was the only womanizer in the whole fucking family. And the only one who wasn’t showing clear opposition to him being soulmates with the one eyed bitch. Surely he had better ways of flirting than the old, busted, useless soldier did.

“Sir?” He turned, shooting a glare at Pratt. “... never mind. We can handle it while you’re gone.”

“Good. You know the drill.” Or.. maybe help was a bit closer to home. “Actually, come with me. I need to clear my head.”

Pratt was obviously confused, but followed him anyway. Annalise and the deputy had been a fling once. Maybe Jacob could get a little advice from the prisoner turned second in command. God, this was going to be really awkward since he barely even liked Pratt. But the young man was strong, mentally at least. And he was young. He’d have more experience flirting than Jacob did.

Which, when Jacob really thought about it, was pathetic.

“I had a chat with our Annalise today,” he explained as they climbed into the beat up truck, the taller man preferring it to the nicer one. “She’s more like the average woman than one would think.”  
Pratt simply nodded, and Jacob started driving.

He knew what the darker man was thinking. That he wanted more information on her. And while that was true, he knew Pratt wouldn’t have all the details. He’d have clip notes, which weren’t much help really. The things he’d want to know, only Annalise knew. And she was keeping a good bit close to her chest.

“Look, this is awkward for me to say, so not a word to anyone, am I clear?” Pratt nodded quickly. “We’re… trying to get to know each other. And I’m… not very good at opening up to anyone.”

“... huh?”

If he wasn’t kicking himself so hard, he’d laugh. But he was already starting to think this was a bad idea.

“She flat told me that she’d not going to just up and walk away and she wasn’t going to wait around on me to give her some information on myself. She’s been… open, to an extent. Not by much, but it’s been rather eye opening at times. And… all I’ve given her if my favorite color.”

Silence. Christ, this really was a bad idea. He should have just went to John and been done with it. At least John wouldn’t hesitate to give him an answer.

“Sir… that’s actually a good starting point.”

Jacob gave him the side eye, and Pratt began rambling.

“I mean, it’s small talk, but it’s something small. Something that, for you, that I’ve noticed, isn’t weighed down with a heavy explanation. It’s just a color, right? So, it’s harmless information that can’t really be used against you if Eli’s using her to get to you. Which I doubt he is. The fact that you volunteered it is also, if it’s not too bold to say, a huge step. Cause you’re right, you’re not good at opening up. To anyone. Not voluntarily, at least.”

“Yeah, but where the fuck do I go from here,” he snapped.

“Try books,” Pratt suggested. “It’s another safe subject. And yeah, there’s not much time for reading now, it’s still harmless, right? I mean, what’s the worst that can happen from her knowing what books you like or which one is your favorite?”

He chewed over the idea. Yeah, books were mostly harmless. It wasn’t like he actually read anything that contributed to his work in the project.

“Also, maybe talk about coffee. How you like yours, which I know, and how she takes hers… which I also know.”

“Why didn’t you and her wind up being soulmates? You’re closer to her age, it would make more sense.”

Pratt’s eyes went soft, and he began tracing something through the grime on his arm. Letters, Jacob realized. And since they weren’t soulmates, he assumed they weren’t Anna’s words.

“I get the feeling, should I live long enough to meet my soulmate, that I’ll be a better man by then. And Anna figures the same. I mean, I’ve got the words of someone screaming for help on my arm. Not the usual crap either, I’ve heard that a hundred times. But something so unique, I’ll know it when I hear it.”

Jesus, he hadn’t realized just what all was at stake with this crap. Pratt already sounded defeated, like he knew he’d never live long enough to find her. All because of Joseph and this damn reaping or whatever the hell it was. How many other had given up on ever finding that one person? How many were fighting just so that they can meet them? This kind of shit he could see in Iraq or Syria. And yet, here he was, playing a part in making that helplessness happen. In his own country, nonetheless!

“You’ll find her. You’ll live, and you’ll find her, and you’ll be exactly who you need to be. Cause you’re stronger and smarter than you give yourself credit for.” Pratt nodded before speaking again.  
“You could also talk hobbies. That’s another harmless subject. You might be surprised at what all you and Anna have in common.”

The wall was up again. He was used to that. Anna had been doing it to him this whole time. And he’d been doing the same. He had his reasons; he didn’t trust Eli or Tammy. And she probably figured he was turning around and telling Joseph.

For now, at least, he had a few subjects he could start on.


	9. Small Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob makes more small talk. And lays out an offer Annalise can't refuse.

Annalise slowly woke up to Jacob gently calling her name. It had barely been two days since they’d last spoken. What did he want this time?

“I know you’re awake,” he almost chuckled. “Sun’s up.”

“Yeah, pulled an all nighter securing a good place to rest. What do you want?”

“Just checking in on you. Read a good book lately?”

Now at that, she had to laugh. He really wanted to talk books. How charming. Well, it couldn’t hurt. And hell, she enjoyed reading as much as the next person. If she could get back to her apartment in Falls End, she could snag her ridiculously massive stash of books. She doubted he’d enjoy them, but if he was looking for recommendations, she had plenty.

“Had a nice collection at my apartment,” she answered. “But, can’t get to them thanks to your brother. Roughly 35 books or so.”

“Geez, and here I thought you to be too much of a busy body to sit and enjoy a book. Seems there’s more to you than meets the eye, Annalise.”

She had to admit, hearing him say her name was… nice. His voice was nice, she realized with a start. Smooth, not too deep, always even and calm. She wondered if his singing voice was equally as pleasing, or if he couldn’t sing. But that would be a conversation for another day.

“You looking for a recommendation, Jacob?”

“Just making conversation. Been reading a rather informative book. It’s called Valentine’s Day. Written by a marine. John got me a signed copy, and it’s not bad.” She couldn’t help but smile.

“About Vietnam, ain’t it? Yeah, I almost snag me a copy, but passed it up. Earl- Sheriff Whitehorse- kept all of us deputies supplied with stories from there.”

“And you hung on every word, didn’t you,” his voice smiled, and her heart fluttered. “I can hear it in your voice. He’s like a father figure to you, isn’t he?”

At that, she paused. She’d never thought of it like that, but now that she really examined it, he was right. Earl was the father she’d always wanted, and fought to make him proud. And he had guided her. Tried to steer her away from the calls that could get her hurt or killed, had her back whenever she found herself in need of backup, even helped her get the apartment. He’d become family for her, and now she wanted nothing more than to find him.

“Yeah, he is,” she confirmed. “And he’s… really awesome, to be honest. I think he’s sort of dad to all three of us. Me, Staci, Joey. We always turned to him when we needed advice. It just felt natural.”

“Pratt’s been saying the same. He’s in the Henbane. Free of Faith, so no worries. You can probably radio him at some point when you get to the edge of the mountains. There’s another Vietnam vet in the valley, but I’d suggest staying out of there for the time being. Even if you do want those nearly 40 books.” She snorted.

“Well, since you so kindly recommended Valentine’s Day, I shall return the favor. Give the In Death series a try. First book is called Naked In Death. It’s actually really good. Not too much focus on the romance aspect. You might enjoy it.”

“I think I’ve heard of those. JD Robb, right? Also known as Nora Roberts. Skilled writer.”

Now she was impressed. He knew his authors well. Damn, she was starting to really like him. A good leader and well read? She wondered if maybe it wasn’t a mistake that they were destined. But she’d have to get to know him better.

“Yep. The rest of my books are cheesy young adult romance novels. Not badly written, so I’d still recommend them. Just not really something you would enjoy.”

“That depends,” he hummed, and she could hear him starting to get curious. “How about this: I can have someone gather your books. I’ll look through them and see which ones I might enjoy. As I read them, I’ll hand them back to you. Undamaged, but you’ll have to find them.”

She was torn between being stunned and being absolutely livid. Those books weren’t cheap! And she treasured them. And he was just going to help himself to her property. Not only that, but he was going to make her search for her own stuff!

At the same time, he was willing to have someone get her things. He was willing to return them, in his own way.

“Or I can just keep them and-”

“Okay, okay, deal,” she replied. “But I swear, if even one is damaged beyond what I’ve already done to them-”

“They won’t be. I swear it. I’ll hide them myself to ensure it. Waterproof bags, and in places where you’d have to be actively searching for them. Think of it as a little game, Annalise. Might even leave a book or two of my own for you to read. Harmless.”

Well, it was a tempting offer. And she could almost feel the sincerity in his words. She wasn’t speaking to the soldier. She wasn’t speaking to the Herald. She wasn’t even speaking to the terror of the Whitetail mountains.

She was simply speaking to Jacob.

“Alright, but be ready. I don’t have the whole In Death series. There’s over 40 books in that one series. I doubt I’ll ever be able to have all of them.”

“You never know.”

This was… nice. Pleasant. Just a civil conversation with him. If they weren’t in the middle of a war, she’d ask to meet up for coffee. But that would have to wait until things calmed down. She simply hoped they’d both be alive for that. She knew he didn’t plan on that, but she hoped that their little talks would change his mind soon.

“I’m sure you’ve got a busy day ahead of you. Training the unwilling and whatnot.”

“That and going over security with my brothers. Do me a favor: stay safe. These little talks are kinda fun.” She smiled.

“You too, Big Red.”


	10. A Favor To (Not) Ask

“You ever think about how we take coffee for granted?”

It was an out of the blue question, and it had Jacob raising his eyebrow. All this, and she was talking about coffee. But, he wondered, if she was asking that because she was out. Or couldn’t find any. Probably both, if he was being honest. Part of him wanted to offer her some of his hoard of coffee. But would she even like it, much less have a way to brew it?

“I tend to keep stockpiles of things I consider essential. Ammunition, canned foods, MREs, meat, and coffee. What brings you to ask that?”

“I’m out and if the resistance radios me one more time, I’m gonna go insane.”

Well, that answered one question. He felt a strange urge to just… be nice and take her some coffee. He didn’t know how she took her coffee or if she’d even like the brand that he had become addicted to, but he still wanted to offer her some at least. He’d just have to keep it secret from John.

“How do you take your coffee? We can meet up and let you recharge for a bit.”

He froze at his own words. No. No no no. He did not just say that. He really offered to fix her coffee and be civil. Not good. Was he moving too fast? Would she think he was trying to poison her? Oh god, was he starting to come across as a creep? What if she said no or-

Wait, why was he so freaked out about it?

“You do that, and I’ll lick the wolf shit off your boot, I swear it,” she answered. “I’m running on E and have been for a few days.”

“When did you run out?”

“... shortly after the last time we spoke…”

That was almost a week ago. No wonder she was cranky and all over the place. He would have murdered someone after day two. He quickly glanced at the map, searching for somewhere that they could meet up and not be disturbed or followed. And maybe somewhere for her to brew some coffee. Somewhere that no one would go looking for and no one would suspect.

And then he remembered.

“Go to Clagett Bay. Snag a boat there and ride straight past Joseph’s island and the one next to it. You should come across an old hunting shack with my flag on it in John’s territory, right at the edge. No one goes there. No one thinks twice about it. I’ll meet you there with coffee. Alone. I swear it.”

He had put that flag there as a joke. Just poking fun at John. John had left it, and it had become their inside joke. Jacob encroaching on John’s territory. He had almost forgotten about it, but it was fully equipped. He had kept it secret so that he could lay low there if he got seriously injured. It might still be used for that, but it would also give them a place to forget about this goddamn bullshit for a few minutes.

“Seven spoons of sugar, a good bit of cream. If it doesn’t look like liquid caramel, add more cream.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He smiled as he neared the small shack in his boat. She was already there. If that wasn’t the ultimate sign of a woman desperate for coffee, he wasn’t sure what was. But it was kind of adorable, really.   
How she was willing to trust he wouldn’t kill her just for a cup of coffee. He pulled up into the sand and grabbed the two cups, as well as the bag he had put two of her books and a bag of ground coffee in. Might as well hand them off to her while he had the chance. Would be better than leaving the books somewhere to be destroyed.

When he stepped in, he had to pause.

She looked exhausted. More mentally exhausted than physically. She was back to a normal weight, and he found himself appreciating just how beautiful she was. Her hair had been pulled back in a sloppy bun, and for once, there weren’t any visible bruises. She didn’t look like a warrior who was ready to battle a titan.

She was just her, and it blew his mind.

“I owe you big time,” she greeted as she reached for the coffee, then stopped.

“They’re both the same,” he smiled. “Got a bit of a sweet tooth myself. Hope you don’t mind it strong. John keeps me supplied with some stuff called Black Rifle. Stuff will knock you on your ass if you aren’t careful.” Her eyes went wide, and he wasn’t sure if it was cause of what he said or the fact he wasn’t using his drill sergeant voice.

“I might hate your brother a little less now,” she stated. “Nothing is better than Black Rifle AK-47 coffee.”

Well, what a pleasant surprise.

“Brought you a bag as well,” he chuckled, watching her basically inhale the coffee. “Feel free to come here and brew it. You come early enough, you might be able to miss the boat patrols during shift change.”

“I assume you aren’t gonna volunteer that info,” she grinned, and he had to laugh. “Figured not. How does no one know about this spot?”

“Little secret joke between me and John. I’d nearly forgotten about it myself, honestly. Was keeping it on the off chance I ever need to lay low.” Or die alone. He hated admitting it even to himself, but he had planned on crawling here and dying alone when the time came. At least now, if he did, he could imagine her face and die knowing he had met his soulmate.

“It’s a good spot. Can’t hardly get here on foot. And no one is gonna fuck with it knowing that your flag is on it. You command respect, even among John’s men.”

“Well, look at me compared to my brothers,” he pointed out, setting the stuff on the counter of the tiny kitchenette. “Yeah, Joseph’s only a couple of inches shorter than me, but he’s a twig. And John’s not scrawny, but he’s not even six feet tall. I’m like Sasquatch! Everyone wants to find me, but no one has the balls to fight me.”

She nearly choked and started laughing, and he found himself fixated on the sound. It was… better than any song he’d ever heard. It was light and genuine, and for just a moment, everything felt okay. They weren’t in the middle of some fight that his brother was picking. They weren’t on opposite sides of a conflict that could kill them. They were just two people, enjoying coffee and, amazingly, each other’s company.

He felt something so familiar, but it had been ages since he’d felt it.

“I always imagined Eli as Sasquatch,” she finally replied, a huge smile on her face, and his heart fluttered. “He still has that bushy ass beard, and I’m almost scared to see what he’s hiding under it.”

“Fuck, I thought he would have shaved that by now,” he took a long sip of his coffee, and felt the weight of everything lift off of him. “By the way, brought you a bag of coffee for yourself and two fo your books. Clockwork something or another.”

“Clockwork Angel and Clockwork Prince,” she asked, and he nodded. “How on earth did you do that within a week? It took me two weeks to read each one!”

He knew that answering that question would lead to more questions. And he wasn’t ready to reveal that can of hell to her just yet. He didn’t want her to see just how fucked up he truly was. But he also trusted that she wouldn’t pry too deep just yet. She’d been decent so far. Maybe their little talks were moving along just fine.

“Got plenty of time at night to read,” he responded. “Don’t sleep, so I need something to do when everything else is done.” She tilted her head. “Don’t ask. Long story.”

“Alright. At least I know if I’m ever struck with insomnia, I’ll have someone to talk to.” She smiled, and damn if it wasn’t the best thing he’d seen in ages.

And for the first time in a long while, he felt he had a reason to live.


	11. Confrontations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna goes back to the Wolf's Den, her mind full of possibilities. But what will wait for her when she arrives?

Annalise smiled as she made her way towards the Wolf’s Den. She actually got to see him shed a layer or two. And enjoyed it. He was funny, though in a teenage way. But god, his smile was brilliant. And there was a spark in his eye that wasn’t there the last time they’d been face to face. It was so easy to forget that he’s in his late forties when he made her laugh like she’d never laughed before.

Maybe they could work together after all.

She never knew they had so much in common on the surface. Same taste in coffee, similar enough taste in books. He agreed that his brother was too extravagant in his spending, and they both found that they enjoyed hunting far more than buying the meat. God, how she couldn’t wait for another moment like that. How easy it was for them to talk and just exist around each other. She had almost been reluctant to leave, but they both knew they had to.

“Damn, kid, thought we’d lost you for a bit.”

She was snatched back into reality, and was glad to see Eli’s soft smile greeting her. He’d been understanding so far. Not quite supportive, since he wasn’t fond of Jacob, but he’d put aside his grudge at least. She couldn’t be more thankful for that than she already was.

“Yeah, kept getting caught out in the middle of shit,” she explained. “Never seemed to be safe to come here.”

“I saw that. Amazingly, they aren’t actively trying to catch you. Do you even know how many times one of his Chosen spotted you and didn’t come after you?”

She paused. She’d been seen by the Chosen? Why had they not attacked her? They were Jacob’s most skilled men. They should have made life hell for her or drug her back to the veteran’s center.   
What made them just let her go on about her business?

“I know I snuck past a few-”

“Nah, they let you, kid. Dunno why, and I doubt you know, but they let you. Unless you engaged them first, they never made a move to attack. I doubt you know why.”

“I don’t. I mean, sure, I’ve gotten to know a few things about him, but it’s all just stuff that doesn’t really do much. Just superficial stuff, you know?”

She heard that dreaded door open, and could only hope Tammy had let go of the idea of using her as a weapon.

“Like what? Anything about his thought process? C’mon, surely he’s told you something we can use.”

Eli’s eyes went dark, and she decided to not answer. This was become a normal occurrence, but it still hurt nonetheless. The fact that Tammy was so hell bent on killing Jacob that she refused to realize what that would mean for Anna. She didn’t want Jacob dead. Not anymore. She wanted to help him, to see him heal and remember how it felt to be happy.

The idea of Jacob not existing left a physical pain in her chest.

“Tammy, I told you to let that idea go,” Eli snapped. “Annalise is not a weapon to be used against him. Do you even realize what you’re asking of her?”

“You talk like he’d actually give a damn about her, Eli,” Tammy snarled. “He’s a heartless fucking maniac who would kill her in a heartbeat! He’s a fucking monster, plain and simple!”

“No, he’s not!”

Both of them stopped and stared at Anna, who was glaring daggers at Tammy. She’d had enough. It didn’t matter than she’d only scratched the surface of who Jacob was. She would not let anyone call him a monster. She couldn’t sit there and let Tammy drag his name through the mud like that.

“He’s not a monster! When you get him away from everything and really start to get to know him, just on the surface level, he’s kind and funny and so much smarter than he lets on! He had someone retrieve my books and is returning them one at a time! He brought me coffee when I ran out and cracked jokes that had me breathless from laughing! He’s so much better than anyone even knows, but you’re too bitter to see it! If anyone has become a monster this past month and a half, it’s you, Tammy!”

The blond simply stared, jaw hanging, and Anna took that chance to grab her back and storm right back to the exit. She didn’t want the lecture from Eli about everyone getting along. She didn’t want to hear whatever excuses he cooked up for Tammy. She just wanted Tammy to keep her mouth shut.

“Anna?” God, it hurt to not turn to Eli. To lean on him this time. But it was starting to become clear that she couldn’t stay any longer. “Annalise!”

She stepped outside, feeling more alone than ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dammit, Tammy!”

Eli was beyond angry now. He’d put up with Tammy’s thirst for revenge, and now Anna had turned her radio off. Apparently, she had figured out where his cameras were as well, cause he couldn’t find her on a single screen. He should have put a stop to this weeks ago. He should have been more forceful with Tammy.

“How can you take her side?! She’s defending him!”

“Of course, she fucking is! He’d her soulmate, for fucks sake! Jesus, Tammy, imagine pointing a gun at the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with! It’s bad enough that they are on opposite sides of this hell, she didn’t need you adding to it!”

“Oh, be real, Eli,” she screeched. “He’s damn near 50 years old! She’ll get thirty years tops with him, and then be alone for the remainder of her life!”

“Is that what you want? To make her as miserable as you are?”

She looked away, but he wasn’t about to stop.

“She’s already figured out what he wants. And that information alone has her reaching out to help him. Which is what he goddamn needs. She’s doing what she swore to do when she became a cop: protect and serve. And yeah, it’s gonna get personal because they’re meant to be! We don’t have to like it. But we’re supposed to be her family. And you got so hell bent on killing him that you forgot that. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m trying to fucking find her before she gets hurt!”

He turned back to the screens, pointedly ignoring Tammy at this point. He was more concerned with finding the young woman he’d come to think of as his daughter.


	12. One Small Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob searches for the missing Annalise. He might not like Eli, but he can't rest not knowing where she is.

Jacob was checking over some paperwork when his radio crackled to life. And to his shock, it wasn’t Annalise speaking to him.

“Jacob, it’s Eli. Tell me you’ve seen Anna.”

The red-head froze at those words. If Eli was asking him about her, then something was horribly wrong. He knew Eli wouldn’t ask if he hadn’t already tried every avenue. Now he was worried that something had happened to her. Christ, why hadn’t she let him know, at least?

“Haven’t heard from her in a few days. The fuck did you do, Palmer?”

“I let too much shit slide is what I did. Tammy kept running her mouth, and I guess Annalise just snapped. You’ve made an impression on her, and I hate to admit it, but you’re my last hope of finding her.”

He snorted. Fucking Tammy. Stupid cunt was a problem that should have been dealt with ages ago. Now his soulmate was in danger, and the bitch had hurt her to the point she was even hiding from Eli. What he wouldn’t give to gut Tammy right now.

“Did you check with Hurk Jr and that Boshaw fucker? She seemed to be good friends with them.”

“Jacob, I’ve tried everyone. I even had Dutch reach out in the Valley and the Henbane. No one’s seen or heard from her.”

Now he was seeing red. Fucking hell!

“I’ll search the mountains for her myself. Keep that fucking bitch the fuck away from Annalise. She’s becoming a problem, and now she’s crossed a line.”

“I know, Seed. I know.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jacob walked along the small trail. There was a cabin out here, where Eli’s cameras couldn’t reach. He had been using it as a patrol post, but there was so little activity that he basically abandoned it. Now, he could only hope she’d found it and taken shelter there. Cause he wasn’t sure if he could handle finding her dead.

He saw the barrel poking out of the window, and felt a huge wave of relief.

“Annalise, it’s me,” he called, holding his hands up. “Don’t pull that trigger.”

The gun disappeared, and he damn near bolted to the door. She was okay. Thank god. She had found shelter. He just wished she had let Eli know. Or hell, himself, even. Just check in and let them know she was safe. He was more angry with Tammy for pushing his deputy to this, but he could work through that later.

He stepped through the door, and she all but fell into his arms.

She was crying. Oh god, it was that bad. He held her and ran his fingers through her hair, letting her deal with the overwhelming emotions he was pretty sure she was feeling. He wasn’t really sure what to say, but he’d let her determine most of that.

But then the words came out before he could think.

“Easy, Anna, easy. I’ve got you. I’ve got you now. You’re okay.”

After a few minutes, she started to calm down, but he didn’t let go. And damn, it felt right. Holding her like this, being strong when she couldn’t be. It felt natural, and for once, it didn’t scare him half to death. He wanted to be her knight in shining armor. And right now, he was pretty sure that’s what she was thinking.

“I hate her,” she stated, her voice hoarse. “I hate her. I hate her.”

“I know, Anna, I know,” he soothed. “Eli gave me a rundown of what happened. You scared him half to death.” She pulled back and looked at him, her brows furrowed, and again, he found it all too adorable.

“Eli radioed you,” she asked.

“Yeah. He cares about you. He owns up to the fact he should have stopped her a long time ago.”

“Fuck, Jacob!” Was she… scared? “They could have followed you! What if they’re using me as a trap?”

“Palmer won’t do that to you,” he argued. “And as vigilant as you are, it would never happen. I was 75 yards away and you were ready to put a bullet in me if I didn’t announce myself. So they-”

“Eighty.”

He paused. What did she mean by that?

“You were eighty yards away when I spotted you,” she continued. “I didn’t take aim until seventy-five yard cause I wanted to be sure I wouldn’t miss if you were Tammy or anyone else. Why have your Chosen stopped attacking me?”

“One, that’s ten more yards than when we had our little competition,” he answered, a smile forming on his lips. “And two, I can’t promise that I wouldn’t give myself away and kill them if they had hurt you. You’re changing something in me, my Valkyrie. And I think I rather like it.”

She blushed, and he had to fight to keep from pulling her into his arms again. He’d grown… fond of her. Yeah, that was a safe word to use. Fond. He enjoyed their conversations, and really looked forward to seeing or hearing her again, and-

Fucking hell, he was head over heels.

“If you need to stay here for a while, do. It used to be a patrol cabin, but there was so little reason to be out here. No one will find you except me. No one will even know you’re here. You’ll be safe, and you’ll have time to figure out you’re next move. Just… check in with Palmer, please? I know you’re upset, and I don’t blame you. But he really does care. He’s just always been a people pleaser.”

She nodded, and he couldn’t stop himself from combing a strand of hair from her face. His protective instinct kicked in again, and he was tempted to stay. To keep watch over her as she slept. But he knew it would look suspicious. He knew staying would put both of them at risk. And he’d never forgive himself if anything happened to her.

“I should get back,” he stated, already looking forward to seeing her again. “I just needed to know you were safe.”

He turned his back to the door before he could change his mind. His heart was screaming for him to stay, to forget about reality and just exist with her. He wanted to abandon his whole idea of not living to see the end result and just embrace the idea that he’s not a tool. He wanted to feel like he still had a better reason to exist than to fight. But men like him didn’t deserve women like her. She was far too good for-

“Please stay,”

He was only a few feet down the path when she called to him, and he stopped, turning to her. She wanted him to stay? She actually wanted him to be with her, even if they did nothing but exist? He was having a hard time believing that, given everything that was wrong with him.

“I don’t want to be alone,” she explained. “And… I don’t trust anyone else.”

That was all he needed, and he was stepping right back into the cabin.


	13. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had stayed and opened up to her. But will Joseph change that at all?

She awoke the next morning, shocked to find herself in his arms. The bed had been impossibly small, but they somehow managed to fit on it. And she felt… safe. At home. She had already been stunned when he chose to stay at her request. Add to it that he was sleeping quite soundly, something he had admitted having trouble doing, and she was very surprised.

It was all moving faster than she could blink.

She carefully extracted herself from his arms and moved to the small kitchen. He was so different than she had expected. He cared, for her and for his brothers. She knew, if they did take the plunge and try to make it work, that she would never have to worry about her safety or him being unfaithful. She just knew it. And he was funny. He had a knack for getting her mind off the things that stressed her out. She never realized how much she needed that until now.

The fact that he had searched for her when she wanted nothing more than to be alone spoke volumes.

She heard a noise from the bedroom, and turned to see him trudging out.

“I haven’t slept that well in a while,” he muttered, graciously accepting the coffee she held out to him.

“Same here,” she echoed. “Thank you. You didn’t have to stay.”

“A beautiful woman who needs a shoulder to lean on asks me to stay, risks be damned, I’m staying,” he replied, taking a long sip of the fresh coffee. “Told you, you’re changing me. And this is one of the things that seems to have changed.”

She smiled, only to hear his radio crackle to life.

“Brother, have you located the deputy? We must bring her into the fold.”

Jacob’s eyes went hard. Fuck! The wall was going right back up. She had hoped they’d make a good bit of progress, but it seemed that all it took was Joseph calling for him, and he’d shut her out again. She couldn’t hold it against him, though. That was his brother, and she knew he valued family over everything.

She just hoped he’d come to think of her as family one day.

“I can’t lie to him,” he explained. “Same as I can’t lie to you. But he’s a good man. He thinks he’s doing what’s right, and he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He’s not like me.He blinded one guy, sure, but that’s it.”

“I believe you,” she responded. “Just promise me that you won’t leave my side.”

“I promise. You have my word. I’ll be in sight at all times.” He grabbed his radio and answered, his blue eyes like ice. “I have her. Will be at the center soon.”

“Good. I wish to speak with her.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She stood in Jacob’s office, not even budging as Joseph greeted the soldier. Let them do their weird little ritual. Jacob had told her to just not speak. Let Joseph do the talking. Once Joseph was gone, she’d be free to go. All she had to do was listen, and then put on a show. Don’t let on that the Bliss had no effect on her. Don’t let on that they were soulmates.

And definitely don’t even hint at the fact he had stayed with her the night before.

“I know you are in pain,” Joseph began as he moved to stand before her. “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh, huh? But you’re not the only one to be tested… did you know that I had a wife?” She followed his hand, her eye landing on his tattoo. A woman. How had she not noticed that. “So beautiful, isn’t she? We were pregnant with our first child. And we were just babies ourselves, really. And I was terrified. On becoming a father. Mostly about money. She wasn’t worried. She had faith that things were going to work out. She always had faith… And then one day, she was going to go visit a friend. There was an accident… and the Lord taketh. And they rushed me to the hospital and put me in a room with this little pink bundle stuffed with tubes and said that had to be strong because my little girl was going to live. God was looking out for our daughter. And they left me alone in a room with her. I just… stared… at my daughter. So helpless. So innocent… and all she had in the world was me. A nobody, from nowhere, with nothing. And in that moment, I knew that God was testing me. He was laying out a path before me, and all I had to do was choose. So I put my hand on my little girls head and I leaned in and I could smell. And we prayed together. Prayed for wisdom. Prayed for strength… Then I knew. I heard God’s plan for me. And I took my fingers and I put them on that little plastic tube taped to her angelic face and I pinched it shut. And after a little while her legs began to kick and kick… then nothing… stillness. Release. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh. Pain… sacrifice… these are all part of his test, and we have to prove that we can serve God no matter what he asks.”

She looked just over Joseph’s shoulder as he turned, and saw Jacob.

He looked heartbroken. Had he not known about that? God, she suddenly wanted to pull him into a hug. His eyes were so empty, and he barely moved as Joseph placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You’ve done well.”

She noticed Jacob’s hands trembling as he pulled out the music box. He really didn’t know. He just found out that his brother, whom he swore was a kind, non-violent man, had killed his newborn daughter. He was an uncle for all of a few hours if even. But he’d never get to meet his niece. Joseph had taken that away from him, and away from John. And didn’t even have the decency to tell them.

She could see the question in his eyes: had he been protecting a monster all this time?


	14. A Burden Not Carried Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Jacob handle the weight of what he knows? Will he try to go it alone? Or will he accept the help of his soulmate?

He couldn’t stop pacing. Once the coast was clear, he and Annalise had fled to the shack, and now the weight of Joseph’s speech hit him. He was an uncle. He had a niece! But Joseph had… no, no. Joseph wouldn’t do that. That’s not in his nature. She had been an innocent baby! He wouldn’t… but why would Joseph lie about that?

“Jacob,” her voice called, and he was finally able to pull himself from his own thoughts and look at her. “Jacob, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“He’s lying,” he argued weakly, but he could see in her eye that she knew better. “He wouldn’t… Anna, he wouldn’t dare. Not a newborn. He wouldn’t dare… he… he…”

“Sit down,” she ordered gently, taking his hand and pulling him to the couch. He sat, his head still spinning, trying to divide the truth from the lies. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to find out like that. That he robbed you of something that would have been amazing. I can have Dutch look into his story, but-”

“Don’t confirm anything until you do,” he muttered. “Please. Joseph… he was never a violent kid. He wouldn’t even kill a bee if it had stung him. He wouldn’t kill his own child just because some voice in his head told him too!”

“Easy, easy,” she soothed. “Let me have Dutch dig into that.” He nodded, and she grabbed her radio. “Hey, Dutch. I need a favor.”

“Let me hear it, kid.”

He paused. Wait. He knew that voice. He knew that cadence of talk. But that was impossible. Unless…

“I need you to dig a little deeper into Joseph’s past. He claims to have had a wife who died in an accident while pregnant. He claims the baby survived.”

Jacob stared at the radio, hoping he wouldn’t have to talk to the man himself. It had been too long. Ages, even. But he knew that voice, could recognize it anywhere. And right now, it was a very pleasant distraction from the hell that had become his reality.

“I’m guessing his brothers don’t know about that, huh?”

Without thinking, Jacob took her radio to answer Dutch himself. He knew what name Dutch would recognize, and was already kicking himself for not recognizing the man who showed him Fort Bragg. The only question was, would Dutch remember him?

“Dutch, it’s Red,” he announced. “I was 19 and fresh out of basic when you showed me around Fort Bragg. You never learned my name or saw me again, but I never forgot your voice. 82nd airborne, right?”

“... holy fuck. Red, it’s been-”

“I know. A long fucking time. And it’s been hell between then and now. Look, I’m just now finding out about my niece and sister in law. Joseph is not a monster. I swear it. But I have to know the truth. Please. You can go right back to hating me later.”

“First, answer this: why are you with the kid?”

“It’s a long story, Dutch,” he replied, his eyes turning to Annalise. He was still mulling over what Joseph had said, and it scared him to death. “One that I’ll let the deputy tell you.”

“Alright. Found what you were looking for. It ain’t good.”

He didn’t even have a solid confirmation yet, and already, he was retreating back into his thoughts. Joseph had killed an innocent newborn. Joseph had taken a life that should have had a chance. Christ, he really had been defending a monster. What was he supposed to do now? Just turn his brother in? Jesus, that would crush Joseph, and John as well. Wait, did John even know about what Joseph had done?

“Jacob!”

He pulled from his thoughts again by her voice, firmer this time. Had he spaced out that badly?

“Did you not hear Dutch?” He shook his head. “Your sister in law did die, but your niece is alive. It was a closed adoption. Sealed tight. Joseph didn’t kill her.”

He stared, now trying to wrap his mind around this new information. His niece was alive? Would she want to reach out to them? Or would it be best if he left well enough alone? She didn’t need to know how messed up they were. But god, he wanted to meet her, to see his niece and get to know who she was.

“Why would Joseph lie about that,” he asked, and she shrugged.

“Maybe he regretted giving her up and created and alternate in his head. At this point, he believes it so strongly that there’s no telling him any different. But that’s one less person that he actually killed.”

He had a new worry now. If Joseph found out there were destined to be together, who’s to say that damn voice in his head wouldn’t decide that she needed to die? He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t risk it. If his brother can convince himself that he killed his own child, who to say he won’t actually kill someone?

“Jacob? What are you thinking?”

Her voice again. His anchor, his… what had the therapist called it? Calming trigger. Right. Christ, he never thought he’d find one, but now that she was there, he could see why they said to find one. For once, he could imagine something besides a future alone. He wasn’t angry or afraid. He was… calm. He could think. And for once, it wasn’t about how his death would play out.

He could think about his future with her.

But there were bigger fish to fry right now.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “Part of me wants to stop him. To try and get him to call off this damned war he’s waging. But I know he’ll see that as a betrayal, and… I can’t do that to my brothers. I can’t.”

“Hey, easy, no one’s asking you to,” she soothed, taking his hand. And suddenly he realized how small she was compared to him, and how right it felt with her hand in his. “All we need right now is to buy some time.” He nodded, forcing himself to focus on her.

And fighting the urge to kiss her.


	15. Open Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob knows. But others don't. Will what he know be enough to start an end to the fighting?

Annalise chewed her lip as they approached the spot Eli had said to meet at. He didn’t trust Jacob not to be watched, and she couldn’t blame him on that point. Joseph had always given her the creeps, and she wouldn’t put it past him to have his brothers and Faith on constant surveillance. Especially if he thought they were in danger of going to turn on him. Meeting at a neutral location could easily throw off anyone watching to gain information.

“Seed. It’s been a while.”

They both turned to see Eli approaching, and she was relieved to see an easy smile on his face. That was a good sign. Maybe everything would go smoothly between them. God, she hoped they could remember how close they were as friends and put aside their differences.

“That is has, Palmer. You still haven’t shaved.” Eli chuckled.

“Yeah, everyone keeps telling me to,” he replied. “Anna said you had something important to talk about.” Jacob nodded, and she noticed his fingers twitch in her direction. Was he seeking out her hand? Couldn’t be. They weren’t even close to that level yet. They’d made small talk, but nothing too deep and personal. And public displays of affection didn’t seem like his thing.

“Joseph… well… ah, fuck it. I’ve got a niece, Eli. Out there somewhere. Joseph had a daughter that he gave up. And he kept that info from me and John. He’s convinced himself that she’s dead and that he killed her. It might be-”

“Paranoid schizophrenia,” Eli finished. “You think it’s genetic?”

“No. I get bored and study stuff like that. I think Joseph’s was caused by something that happened when we were kids. I…” He glanced at her, and she simply nodded. “When he was about three, our dad… I haven’t told anyone this. Not even Joseph. Our dad had started drinking heavily after Joseph was born. And one night, he came home drunk. Joseph hadn’t been feeling well all day and was crying, and Old Man Seed… well, he flung Joseph against a wall. I heard the crack and ran over. Honestly, I thought he’d killed him. That’s when Joseph started hearing the Voice.”

Her heart broke for the boy Joseph once was. And for the boy Jacob used to be. She couldn’t imagine how he must have felt. How hopeless it all had to have felt… she could. She’d felt helpless her whole childhood. She knew that feeling. And she knew it had to be worse since Joseph had only been a toddler.

“Christ, Jake,” Eli breathed. “I knew your childhood had been shit, I didn’t know it had been that bad.”

“Yeah,” Jacob muttered, stuffing his hands in his jeans. And for a moment, he looked so much younger. Like an overgrown teenage boy. “A few days after that, Joseph started talking to himself. I was only seven, I didn’t know anything was wrong. I thought it was just an imaginary friend. And now… now it’s too late to do anything. The damage is done.”

Without thinking, she gently put a hand on his arm. He tensed, then relaxed and pulled one hand out, taking her hand in his.

“Jacob, I hate to say it, but there is one option,” the darker man started. “No one is going to like it and it’s going to be hard to do. For you especially. But… well, you can try and get him some help in a mental hospital. It might result in him being committed, which might not even be permanent. But it might be the best thing for him.”

At that, Jacob’s face went from an unsure teenager to almost a scared child. The walls were gone. She could finally see what he was hiding. And it hurt to see it.

“Eli, that’ll kill him,” he argued. “I promised to keep him safe.”

“And you have. Jacob, you’ve been one hell of a big brother. The kind of big brother most people would beg for. You’ve done all you can. But now you’ve got to protect him from himself. And you’ve got to worry about your health. John wouldn’t know what to do if he lost you, or if you suffered a mental breakdown. You can stop fighting. Plus, there’s someone else who’s going to need you as well.” Eli’s eyes moved to Anna, and she gently squeezed Jacob’s hand.

“You aren’t doing this alone anymore,” she soothed. “I’m right here. And I told you when we gave this a chance, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stand shoulder to shoulder with you till the end of the line.”

He took a deep breath, then nodded, and she watched his resolve start to rebuild.

“What do I need to get Joseph the help he needs?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She let out a breath as they pulled up to the cabin. John’s truck, in that unmistakable blue, was already there. And she suddenly realized how anxious she was about meeting the baptist. Would he approve of her as Jacob’s soulmate? Would he insist that she “atone” before welcoming her into the family?

“Hey.” She turned, her eyes meeting Jacob’s. “Just relax. John might be a bit sadistic, but he’s nothing compared to you. I don’t call you my Valkyrie for nothing.” His large hand took hers again, and she nodded. “Besides, I won’t let him hurt you. I promise.”

“I’m sorry that your dad did what he did,” she blurted. “I know what being thrown around feels like, but I can’t imagine watching that happen to my sibling.” A small, somewhat sad smile crossed his face.

“We’re still here, though, aren’t we? We survived. That beating that claimed the sight in your eye should have killed you. And I’m sure there were more afterward that were just as bad. And I’ve been through shit that should have killed me as well. We’re strong. We’ll always survive. That’s what matters.”

And with that, they got out of the truck and went inside.

“Ah, Annalisa, an honor to finally meet you,” John greeted, and she was already regretting this.

“We got bigger fish to fry, Johan,” she shot back.

“John, quit trying to impress her,” Jacob quickly ordered. “Look, do you still have any lawyer friends? Any that worked on cases about mental health?” John thought for a moment.

“Yes, I do,” he answered. “Thomas is the best. Always gets the desired outcome, which usually get people the help they need. Why?” Jacob blew out a breath, but she could tell he was more relaxed than he was with Eli.

“When I was seven and Joseph was 3, long before you were born, our dad beat the fucking hell out of him. A few days later, he started talking to himself.”

“Well, he was just a toddler-”

“John. Our brother had a mental disorder brought on by a brain injury from that beating. I know all three of us have some touch of PTSD, and I went and made mine worse. But Joseph is showing clear signs of schizophrenia, and… well…”

John stared at his brother, and Anna knew he was putting the pieces together. She was tempted to step in, but this was between brothers. She was there as moral support for Jacob. That was it. She had no say so in what happens as far as Joseph and his mental health. She had to worry about the health of her soulmate.

“Schizophrenia is… no, no. It doesn’t even run in our family.”

“John, Joseph was just a toddler,” she explained softly. “Schizophrenia isn’t genetic. It’s random and doesn’t have one set cause and it’s done so much damage to Joseph’s sense of reality.”

“We have a niece,” Jacob added. “Joseph’s condition has him convinced he killed her. John, I know it’s hard to stomach. But we’ve got to get him help.”

To her surprise, John’s eyes began to water.

“What will that mean for us? For the project? I… I…”

“You’ll always have me,” Jacob reassured. “And we’ll always have Anna. She’s not gonna leave me. She’s not going to leave us. She knows how we felt as kids, how helpless it all felt. And she’s so much stronger than we thought. But we can discuss that later. We’ve got to get Joseph help. I don’t know what we’ll do as far as the project, but he needs us. He just doesn’t know it.”

“Then why send him away?”

“Cause we’ve done all we can. We’re not equipped for this. I’m just a busted up soldier who’s not much use and caught up in a vicious PTSD cycle. You’re a lawyer. Neither of us knows how to help any more than we already have. We’ve reached the point where the best way we can help is to find a professional who knows what to do. He’s going to be disappointed, but I get the feeling he’ll go to make us happy.”

She watched as John nod, and Jacob pulled him into a hug. She thought about stepping outside and letting them have their moment until Jacob reached for her hand.

And without thinking, she wrapped her arms around the men she was supposed to arrest.


	16. Stoking the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was so used to doing the hard stuff alone. But amazingly, just by being there, she had given him more support than he’d ever known. At least since the army. And he never knew he needed that until now.

Jacob was quiet as they drove back to the cabin she’d been staying in. He wasn’t ready to go back to the veteran’s center just yet. He was still trying to wrap his mind around everything. He’d processed that he has a niece out there somewhere. And he was slowly coming to grips with the fact that, as much as he hated it, Joseph was insane.

What he was now processing was how heavily he had leaned on Annalise.

He was so used to doing the hard stuff alone. But amazingly, just by being there, she had given him more support than he’d ever known. At least since the army. And he never knew he needed that until now. He felt as though he had to make it up to her somehow. He had a general idea, but was she ready for that step? Was she ready to go that far with him? It had been a while since he’d been intimate with a woman.

He quickly shoved that aside as he put the truck in park.

“Been a wild day,” she commented as they got out.

“That it has,” he agreed. “Don’t think I’ve gone through that many emotions in a day in a very, very long time.” They stepped inside, and he gently took her hand when she moved to the kitchenette. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For staying by my side. For not giving up on me. I didn’t know how much I needed someone to believe in me until you. And I owe you, for being strong when I wasn’t sure I could be.” She smiled, and his heart went insane.

This was his soulmate. This was the woman he was lucky to even know. And she’d be his for whatever of his life would be left.

“I’m just happy to see you start to somewhat relax,” she responded. “And open up. I know it couldn’t have been easy to tell Eli what you did.”

“I’m not going to act like it was,” he confessed. “And it was made harder knowing that you’d have to hear that horror as well. But keeping it to myself wasn’t doing anyone any favors. Especially us. You said you weren’t going anywhere, and in the same breath said that you wouldn’t wait around forever. You’re a hell of a woman.”

“And you’re stronger than you think, Jacob.”

Maybe she was right. But there was so much she didn’t know. Maybe now was the time to inform her.

“I’m stronger because of you. Anna, when we first met, I didn’t see me living past any of this. All that training, that brainwashing, was to find someone who could kill Eli, and be so angry that they turn around and kill me. And I was banking on you being that person. But then the Bliss didn’t work. And you threw me for a massive loop, by taking a chance on me. I found a reason to survive all of this. That reason is you. You’re everything I wanted, and everything I never knew I needed.”

And son of a bitch, he was in love with her. He loved her tenacity and the fire in her one good eye. He loved how she could stand toe to toe with him and not blink. He loved the sarcasm and quick wit that came so easily for her. And he loved the softer side of her that very few have seen. He loved how she allowed herself to be vulnerable around him. He loved the change in her voice when she dropped the tough cop act.

He loved everything.

“Jacob?”

Shit. He’d spaced out again. He had to stop doing that.

“Yeah,” he quickly questioned, and wasn’t shocked to see her smiling.

“What were you thinking so hard about?”

“I think you know. The real question is if you think you’re ready to hear it.” She nodded. “Annalise Graystone, I’m pretty sure I’m head over heels for you. And by how big your smile is getting, you feel the same.”

God, she looked like an excited child. Like he had just told her all her dreams were coming true. And he figured they probably were. He knew his were, at least. She was strong, stronger than every woman he’d known. And she’d placed a huge amount of trust in him. He could only pray that he would never let her down.

“I love you too, Jacob.”

He felt a massive weight- one he didn’t even know he was carrying- lift off him, and without thinking, he pulled her into a deep, tender kiss. He knew they still had memories to share, but right now, he felt like the luckiest man alive. He’d found his soulmate, and earned her love. Something he’d thought impossible, and yet here she was, in his arms. And he’d never let her go.

The kiss went from tender to passionate, and he was stunned to find her flush against him. If he had to be honest, it felt right.

“Anna-”

“Don’t. I want this. Want you.”

That was all he needed to hear. He easily picked her up and pinned her to a wall, his lips attacking her neck. She tilted her head with a gasp, a sound that only spurred him on even more. His teeth nipped at the tender flesh, and he eased one hand under her shirt. Christ, her skin was so soft. Like the finest velvet under his hands.

Her small hand rubbed him through his jeans, and he couldn’t stop the whine that escaped him.

“Been a while for you too, huh,” she cooed, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Haven’t had the time,” he admitted. “But now, I’ve got the rest of my life.” His hips bucked into her hand as his hand found her breast. And what luck, she wasn’t wearing a bra. “I assume your bra got destroyed?”

“Couldn’t get the blood out of it,” she gasped, arching into his touch as his fingers toyed with her nipple. “Fucking hell!”

“Oh, we are going to have fun.”


	17. Scars and Tenderness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the midst of need, Annalise finds herself worried about something minuscule. Her worries are shut down with a surprising show of tenderness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I am so sorry! I got into such a funk and haven't been able to work on this in ages! But hopefully, I'll have it finished up soon!

Her mind scrambled, clouded with lust as Jacob’s hand massaged her breast. God, it had been a few months since she’d last been touched. And it was clear that he knew exactly what he was doing, despite his dry spell probably being longer. His mouth kept finding the spots on her neck that set her nerves on fire, driving her further into pleasure.

“God, you sound so pretty,” he growled, pulling back to tug her shirt off, but she stopped him. “Change your mind?”

“No, it’s just…” She didn’t want him to see the scars. Scars she had not even worried about Pratt seeing. She had never been insecure about them before, but now, with this man who was meant to be hers, she found she was terrified for him to see.

“Anna,” he soothed. “It’s okay. I’m far from eye candy. If I was that worried about looks, then I wouldn’t be able to call myself a man. I love the woman I’ve come to know. That’s not going to change after tonight. I’m yours, in every way. Mind, heart, body, and soul.”

A lump formed in her throat, and she pulled him into a deep kiss.

“Bedroom. Now.”

Without another word, she found herself being carried to the bed. He was still kissing and nipping at her neck, and she was certain there’d be marks left by morning. At least these would fade. The ones she was about to let him see wouldn’t.

She suddenly went flying, squeaking as she landed on the bed.

“That was adorable,” he joked as he again moved to tug her shirt off. And this time, she didn’t stop him. The garment was flung across the room, and she quickly shut her eyes. Not all of the scars were from the abuse she suffered, but they were still so clear. She didn’t want to see the disgust on his face. And if he decided to walk away, she didn’t want to watch.

Much to her surprise, he started kissing the damaged parts of her skin

“My warrior,” he murmured, moving to a scar just above her hip. “My survivor. My Valkyrie. You are so, so beautiful. My soulmate.”

Tears formed in her eyes as he continued, kissing every single one until he reached her lips. There, he kissed her, and she could feel just how much he cared for her. How much he loved her. How devoted he was to her now.

All too soon, he pulled away, and she whined softly.

“Calm down, pup,” he ordered gently, shedding his camo jacket and shirt. “Want this to be fair. We’ll have our chance to be animals soon.”

Her eyes were glued to his body. Son of a bitch, he was solid! He didn’t even look his age now. His chest and stomach were toned and well defined, putting men half his age to shame. She could see why he thrived in the army, and why he was in charge of security. His abs flexed, and she longed to reach and run her fingers over his own scarred flesh.

“How the hell are you 47,” she blurted, and he chuckled.

“You’re only as old as you feel. And I have no intention of feeling old.”

Without warning, she sat up and kissed him again, giving in to the need to feel him up. And oh, was she pleased with what she felt. Tight muscles, sculpted by discipline and exercise, rippled beneath her touch, hinting at the strength he was holding back.

“I want to taste you,” she whispered, her hand moving to his belt. He nodded, and she immediately began undoing it, then his jeans. She licked her lips as she tugged the denim down, smirking when his cock sprung free. So he went commando? Perfect.

She gave the tip of his length a small lick, and he inhaled sharply.

“Don’t tease me, Anna,” he warned. Which of course made her want to tease him. But that could wait. The throbbing between her legs was impossible to ignore, and she knew how to drive a man to the same level of need.

She took his head in her mouth and sucked lightly, then slowly began to take more of him. With each inch that her lips covered, his voice grew in volume. When he touched the back of her throat, she had to pull back slightly to keep from gagging.

“Son of a bitch,” he groaned, his fingers tangling in her hair. She took a deep breath through her nose, then slowly began bobbing her head.

He couldn’t seem to be quiet if it saved his life. He never pulled her hair, just held on as she worked his cock. Her tongue pressed against the thick vein on the underside, and he let out a whine of his own. It should have been disappointing how quickly his legs began to tremble, but it boosted her ego.

She had him right where she wanted him.

With a low growl, he came in her mouth, and she drank down all that he gave. He tasted good, a testament to his diet, and she already wanted more.

“My turn,” he stated, pulling himself from her mouth, and like a child who had their candy taken away, she tried to chase after him. “So eager to please me. I’m starting to think you’re more submissive than you realize. Why don’t you do me a favor and shed those jeans?”

His tone had changed slightly, igniting something inside of her. It thrilled her and somewhat scared her. But she knew she could trust him, and as soon as he let go, she wiggled out of her jeans and boots. She was now bare to him, and at his mercy.

“God, you truly are stunning,” he breathed, kneeling at the foot of the bed and grabbing her legs. He slung one over each shoulder and pulled her closer.

Then he ate her out like a man starved.

She moaned and ran her fingers through his hair, trying to hold on to anything to keep her grounded. His mouth, which had been leaving marks on her neck, was now pushing her closer and closer to the edge. His tongue slid inside her, and it felt as though he was writing his full name on her inner walls, before moving to tease her clit. She arched off the bed, pushing herself closer to his mouth.

“Taste good,” he muttered before sucking on her clit, then moving back to her entrance. Fuck, if he didn’t stop, she was gonna cum! But any rational thought had long since fled, leaving a writhing, moaning mess on the mattress.

His thumb pressed against her clit, and the dam broke.

She came with a long scream, practically vibrating as he helped her ride it out. The world fell away, and she panted as she waited to come back to reality. She had not been aware that he was kissing her scars again until he kissed her softly, and then she felt his cock barely touching her entrance, already hard again.

“Now for the real fun.”


End file.
